Relationships - Part 4 of 6

By Denise Palmisano

Week 1 - I introduced the concept that your destiny as a human being is to be in relationship with other human beings.  You were born into the basic human need to experience love, acceptance and connection with other human beings.  To resist this inherent truth will have you suffer on many levels.  We are incapable of reaching our potential without being in human relationships.  Therefore, relationships could be said to be crucial to our human evolution. 

Week 2 - I expanded on suggesting that each of the many types of relationships support us in authentically knowing ourselves.  I claimed  that each and every relationship has a purpose, a role and a reason for being what it is at this time in our life.  Our actions or lack of actions in our current relationships are a result of our past associations, and prior programming of relationships in general.  The mere mentioning of someone's name whether we know them or not, generates an experience and energy in us.  Those experiences and that energy either opens or closes possibilities for the relationships in our lives.  Knowing what opens and closes possibilities in any and all relationships will be a crucial step in co-creating, designing and sustaining relationships. I hope you had an opportunity to do the exercise.

Week 3 - We took an external and internal look at the many filters we bring to a relationship.  Those perspectives expanded your awareness to show you how filters further impact how we experience, enhance, or limit our many relationships.  I talked about filters being a form of protection vs. a form of knowing or wisdom.   Most of your suffering and limitations in relationships have more to do with filters, old programming, ego and interpretations than the TRUTH!  Hanging onto filters that are not working for you are self-imposed disconnections, walls and limitations.  

I invited you to find your breath and that place inside of you where your internal stillness and wisdom reside.  The exercise invited you to focus on  your breathing without judgment as you asked yourself various questions about your current relationships.  Overall, these exercises are intended to show you more about yourself and how you relate to others.

Week 4 - There are many versions to the phrase if you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.  For most of us, co-creating, designing and sustaining relationships that work will require something different than we have always done.

One of the first things I would invite you to do to end some of the repeated cycles in your relationships is to clear the chaos and clutter.  This is the next step in making room for new and different relationships to show up even if that new and different relationship is with a person already in your life.

From the exercises we have done over the last couple of weeks, you are probably seeing how you have co-created exactly what you have right now.  Your filters, boundaries, stories, habits and beliefs have shaped where you are.  What would be available if you were to use the question "Is This Working" to support you in sorting through these limitations.

I will be brief.  This particular exercise will take time if you really want to get the most out of it.  This is about you taking responsibility.  If your way of handling your relationships is to make it all about the other person by blaming them or things they have to do or how they need to change, sorry, game over.  You will continue to get what you have always gotten.  You are missing some steps in designing and creating that are crucial.  It is like trying to get from point A to point B without ever getting off the couch.  How likely is that going to happen?  Not very! 

If you are ready to see a shift in your relationships as well as take responsibility, I invite you to participate in this exercise.

• Make a list of as many relationships that you discovered over the last couple of weeks that are "NOT WORKING FOR YOU" or that you would like to enhance in some way.
• Do the internal reflection of getting quiet and still and ask yourself "What is the primary limitation of me experiencing everything I want in this relationship"?
• How could I take responsibility to move through this limitation?
• What would I have to say, do, let go of or know for me to experience a shift in this relationship?  Write down what comes up for you.
• Hold yourself accountable.  Set a date to take that action or have that conversation.
• If you need support or practice, enroll someone that will be there for you.  If you don't have anyone, contact me.  I will be your support and accountability partner.
  

I would love to hear how you have moved through some of your limitations.   Please share what you learned or what you saw possible as you practiced taking responsibility.  To leave a comment on my blog at the end of this article, Click here.

If you would like to schedule a 30 minute complimentary session to discuss this process or anything that came up for you, Clicking here.
If you missed any of the other emails on Relationships, Click here.

This 6 part series is winding down.  I am facilitating a more extensive course in relationships April 24 & 25.  This is an on-site course that will connect the dots that have been started in these weekly reflections.  If you are ready to take responsibility for the quality of your relationships, Click here to register for this course.