From time to time we all go through stages of giving up what we want or need for the sake of others. We might do so to ease their burden and pain, share some hope, make them feel special or loved, etc. Sometimes we have done so at the expense of ourselves, our time, our energy, our money and our resources. I am not suggesting that doing for others is bad or wrong. What I am saying is that it might not be working for you anymore. The problem or disconnection from ourselves is because for most of us, just doing for others and not for ourselves has become a way of life. We are taking too much responsibility for others and not enough responsibility for ourselves.
In our wanting to be perfect parents, good neighbors, great siblings, respectable children, loving partners, supportive friends and loyal employees, we have lost ourselves and our passion and interest in our own goals, dreams, desires and vision.
Read on and see if you have been in any of these situations. If you can say no to all of these, I congratulate you and acknowledge you for doing the impossible.
You have been good boys and girls, followed the rules, colored within the lines, done everything that everyone else wanted you to do, sacrificed more than was called for, listened endlessly to friends in trouble or in pain, spent too much money on presents for people that didn't appreciate it, bent over backwards to keep the peace, did more than your share of the work at home or at the office, volunteered when you should have been doing something for yourself, watched the neighborhood kids, settled for less than you deserved, put yourself last, ate dessert when you were supposed to be eating healthy just to celebrate someone else, been afraid to lose someone, went to parties and gatherings that you didn't want to go to so you wouldn't upset anyone, cried yourself to sleep from not knowing what to do next, spent money you didn't have on things you didn't need, went out of your way to impress someone or belong to a group, drank too much alcohol to forget how lonely you were, shopped until you dropped and used retail as therapy, spent endless hours awake praying for things to be different, listened to the negative internal dialog that has kept you safe, small and stuck, been afraid to tell the truth, been afraid to risk disappointment or disapproval, done things for people to like you, respect you or think you were cool, etc.
Does any of this sound familiar? So this is what I am talking about. Look at all of this. The common denominator is YOU!!! It really is all about you. You are the one that did all of that and you are the one that has the power, control and ability to STOP IT!!!
Well that is if you want something different than your current life situations. You can do that by integrating the following into your life.
- Speak what you want
- Tell the truth
- Focus on the present
- Pay attention to your needs
- Set Boundaries
- Nurture yourself
- Say NO
- Establish and sustain relationships that are nurturing and supportive
- Monitor your moods, energy and thoughts
- Take action in alignment with what is important and meaningful to you
- Take responsibility for yourself
- Resign as General Manager of the Universe
- Let go of what you do not need -(the internal and external clutter)
Take the first step in practicing putting yourself first. Ask yourself these three questions.
- What do I want?
- What am I going to do about it?
- When am I going to do it?