Timeless Wisdom
Is it what you need or what you want?

Psychology Today - Posted July 04, 2014




Source:
“In America we hurry, which is well; but when the day’s work is done, we go on thinking of losses and gains, we plan for tomorrow, we even carry our business cares to bed with us and toss our worry over them when we ought to be restoring our racked bodies and brains with sleep. We burn up our energies with these excitements and either die early or drop into a lean and mean old age at a time of life which they call a man’s prime in Europe. When an acre of ground has produced well, we let it lie fallow and rest for a season; when a razor has seen long service and refuses to hold an edge, the barber lays it away for a few weeks and the edge comes back on its own accord. We bestow thoughtful care on inanimate objects, but none upon ourselves.  What a robust people we would be, if only we would lay ourselves on the shelf occasionally and renew our edges!”~ Mark Twain - 1869
 
Mark Twain wrote these words in 1869 and they are as true (or truer!) today as they were then.  If Mr. Twain were alive today he would probably be amazed at the way that things have changed in the past 145 years, and not necessarily for the better. While it is unmistakably true that we
have seen technological advances and developments that were literally unimaginable then, the ‘progress’ that we have made since the middle of the 19th century has not come without a cost.
 
For many of us the price of what we call success is a diminishment of the quality of our physical or emotional health, peace of mind, relationships, overall sense of well-being, or all of the above.  The great scholar and mythologist Joseph Campbell reminds us that there are many people who have climbed the ladder of success, only to discover that it is against the wrong wall.
 
As much as we may cherish our dreams of accomplishment and achievement, it behooves us all to pay attention to the cost that we may be paying to fulfill them. When asked about what it is that they ultimately wish to experience in being successful, many people respond with words like freedom, happiness, inner peace, ease in life, relaxation, fulfillment, comfort or love. Ironically, these are often the very things that are sacrificed in the relentless quest to acquire the symbols of success that society so highly prizes. The bible asks, somewhat rhetorically, “What profiteth a man if he win all the world and lose himself? This is a good question for anyone, man, woman, Christian, Muslim, agnostic, or atheist to consider.

We all know how easy it is to lose ourselves in an obsessive quest for something, whether it is a misplaced wallet, a new car, a fat bank account, or the approval of others. In the process of winning our desired goal, we may lose that which brings us real joy, passion, meaning and purpose. Or worse, we may fail to answer the question of what brings those qualities into our lives and find ourselves forever lost in an endless pursuit of socially – acceptable symbols.
 
There is a saying that “you can never get enough of what you really don’t need.” The question “What do I need?” is not a generic question. It cannot be answered once and for all and there is no collective answer to it. It invites each of us to respond from the microcosm of this moment and from the macrocosm of our whole life. Paradoxically, the more we take responsibility for asking, answering and responding to this question, the more we have to give others.
 
We do not become more self-absorbed by taking better care of ourselves, we become more generous of spirit with others because we have more to give. When we stop the endless pursuit of what is essentially unsatisfying and find our deeper purpose and live in accordance with it, our experience of life transforms. When we take the time to replenish ourselves we give a gift to those around us as well because we come to them with a fuller tank, and a more open heart.  There may be no greater gift that we can give to those we love than our own happiness and well-being. In a world that doesn’t value this, it can require a fierce commitment and even courage to embody responsible self-care.
 
Yet in doing so, we not only enhance the depth of our own sense of wellbeing, we offer an example to others of what genuine responsibility can look like. Distinguishing our genuine needs from our desires can be a powerful and challenging step in the process of cultivating fulfillment in life, the kind of fulfillment that doesn’t limit itself to one person but spills over to enhance others’ quality of life. The process is on-going and does require a willingness to set aside time for contemplation, reflection, and restoration. The benefits of investing our time in that way can be profound and life-long. Mark Twain’s words still ring as true today as they did nearly a century and a half ago. Maybe he was on to something.

Feeling a little un-grounded, stuck, busy, frustrated, disappointed or not quite feeling the joy or preferred pace of life? Are you feeling like you need an extra 12 hours a day to get it all done? You are not alone.

I often tell my clients, it's not that things won't come up, it is what do you do about it when it does. How have you prepared and positioned yourself to be better equipped to handle each situation? Are you consciously choosing where and how you spend your time and energy?

Managing and monitoring what you are giving your attention to will determine how productive or fulfilled you feel day to day. Be willing to surrender a permanent state of feeling grounded, stable, safe, balanced, secure or predictable. I am inviting you to consider that this is a temporary state that most humans move in and out of on a situation by situation basis. It is not a state that is now nor will it ever be a permanent state. As long as you are pursuing, searching, stepping into life situations, living life, you will be challenged, fearful, confronted and invited to be off balance and out of control. The reason being is that you are human! The trap is to sell out for short-term gratification rather than long-term fulfillment.

As Ekhart Tolle says, all systems are unstable. I make that mean, guarantees are far and few between. Life is mostly unknown. So it's not that uncertainty won't be a constant visitor, it is about equipping ourselves with awareness  and action to be better equipped to handle it when it does visit? Therefore a shift in perspective from needing to be balanced on the surface to trusting ourselves to make choices from a deeper state that is in alignment with our deepest desires and authentic self. In that place the objective is not to avoid breakdowns, it is to live more fully as you sort information while staying clear and focused on where you are headed long term.

Who wouldn't like to have a multitude of choices in any situation? That is my point. When we strive for certainty and instant gratification, we limit our choices other that to recreate more of what we already have.

Change is inevitable, progress is intentional.

You may have heard that your dreams exist outside of your comfort zones. I truly believe that. 
The invitation is to accept the fact that a willingness to be a student, to learn, to grow, to expand perspectives, let go of limiting beliefs and behaviors insure more of a capacity to handle whatever comes up. Those are practices that enhance your capacity and ability to thrive as you pursue long-term fulfillment.

Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. When you are truly ready to step into your full potential, you are less willing to be held back by your old habits, beliefs and programming.

For info on how you can better prepare and position yourself for your long-term fulfillment, don't hesitate to contact me at 985-860-8861 or denise@empoweringpotential.com.