"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."- Carl Jung
Choices are natural and necessary. Your choices can be empowering or disempowering, expansive or limiting, intentional or automatic, etc. It is not likely you will escape this world without making choices. Even not choosing is choosing. Whether or not you suffer in the process is another choice.
Consider the following; when making choices or following through with the choices you have already made, note if any of the following applies.
- Do you experience agitation, frustration, resentment, depression, sensitivity, low energy, confusion, lack of clarity or any other limiting mood?
- Do you wait to see what others want you to do, seek out advice, wait to be told what to do next, defer to someone else?
- Do you become paralyzed, stuck or unable to choose?
How would your life be different if you could diminish or eliminate the suffering when it comes to the before or after of choice making?
When you come to a fork in the road in making choices, here are a few steps to practice.
Step 1: Recall the situation & make a mental note of what you hear yourself saying about it.
The filters or lens through which you see the situation will shout good, bad, right, wrong, etc. This is your personal interpretation. Not everyone thinks, feels or believes the same way you do. (I know that's hard to believe but go with me on this one).
The events, situations, relationships and circumstances you find yourself in are constantly being interpreted or judged through the filters of your moods, beliefs, past programming, conditioning, attachments, ego ideals, etc. Maybe, just maybe, there is another way of looking at the situation without judging yourself or others.
Can you see and agree that what you tell yourself about the situation will either limit or enhance your possibilities?
Step 2: Letting Go & Expanding Your Possibilities
Letting go is being willing to surrender your limiting beliefs, words and actions. Letting go includes all those things that get you the temporary experience of attention, approval, fitting in, being needed, avoiding conflict, being rescued, etc.
Your possibilities expand if your happiness, joy, fulfillment and peace are not dependent on what other people want, need, approve of or can give you. If you forget to take care of yourself in the midst of the choosing, there too you will suffer.
Another aspect that generates suffering is if you are taking too much responsibility for others and enabling the situation to stay the same. That would include, needing to be in control, the white knight syndrome, the rescuer, not holding others accountable, the person that takes away all the pain or suffering for others.
That would mean you are devoting your time, energy and resources to people, events and goals that reinforce that what you want and need can only be obtained outside of you. You may have become dependent or even addicted to other people or situations lining up in a certain way for you to be okay. That is not a peaceful or permanent place. (We'll have another lesson on crazy-making).
Step 3: Trust that you have all you need
You have every quality that could possibly be needed to handle whatever comes up. Staying tuned in and focused on your internal GPS for your information while making choices is the key.
I am suggesting that making choices become easier when you are willing to listen beneath the judgments, advice, old habits and temporary gratification of what is calling for your attention.
You are not alone. We have been conditioned to put ourselves last, not ask or even identify what we want, follow the herd, play small, hide our brilliance and not buck the system. Most people were not taught how to tap into their internal GPS much less know or trust which path to choose. Your past does not have to define your future.
Once you can hear what you want, the how to get what you want will be shown to you. It is a multi-step process. Take it one step at a time. You do not need to know how you are going to do something before you choose what you are going to do. That will only create more confusion and add additional stress.
From that perspective, choices become easier when you take responsibility for what you want even if it means disappointment or disapproval from others.
Eckhart Tolle in The Power of Now reminds us that when we have a problem we have three choices - leave the situation, change the situation or accept it completely.
Step 4: Building Momentum
Taking small and consistent actions will create and enhance your energy, focus, clarity and forward motion.
Ask yourself, "Will this choice bring me contentment? Long - term fulfillment? Satisfaction? Peace? Joy? Energy? Integrity? Creativity? Inspiration? Motivation"?
Tell the Truth!
Or, will it bring me more of what I already have, what I don't want or what I will regret? Am I choosing what I want or what others would want for me?
When you are faced with that fork in the road, look to the inside for your answers. Your internal GPS is your friend.
If not NOW, WHEN will you awaken to what is wanting to happen in your life?
I am your partner in possibilities. Contact me by phone, 985-860-8861 or email, firstname.lastname@example.org